...so i touched it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
