I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
