I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
