i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
