1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
