Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize