just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
