bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
