it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
