I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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