I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
