So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
