oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize