All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
