epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize