im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
