I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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