Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
why does every cop we meet know your name?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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