sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
