Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
