Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
