oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
