Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
