At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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