We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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