She's JV to your varsity
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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