My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
