Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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