the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
