Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize