well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
