due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
