Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
