I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
