I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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