im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
