The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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