i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
