I cockslap morals
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
