the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
