Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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