She said her name was "party"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
