her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
