i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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