Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
