He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
