brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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