look no pants
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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