its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
