You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
