don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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