Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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