Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
