Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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