i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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