All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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