im having a threesome with these popsicles
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
organizing the empties. That sober.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
