I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think a kid would responsible me up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And then he peed in my hair
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