The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
