I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
