We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize