You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
