did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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