Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
PANTIES FOUND
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