Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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