i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
