At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
