why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
