The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
