I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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