The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
