Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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