I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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